My sweet Bear, it’s 2:50am and you’ve woken from your slumber, not for the first time tonight, but the first since I’ve been asleep. 

I lay there for a few moments while I muster enough energy to throw back the duvet, swing my legs out of bed, find my slippers and head out of the bedroom. I go downstairs and in a sleepy daze, pop the kettle on, retrieve your milk from the fridge and place it in some hot water to warm.

I head back upstairs with your milk, pick you up and bring you into bed with your daddy and me. I take the lid off your milk bottle and you start kicking in excitement as you think about filling up the little hole in your tummy. 

I look at you, my sweet babe. From 12 weeks olds you slept through the night until about a month ago. You’re going through so much change at the moment. You’re growing, developing. You’ve got teeth coming through. You’re weaning onto solid food.  And while I’d rather a full night’s sleep, I choose to cherish this moment where I’m holding you in my arms. Holding you in my arms in the quiet, dead of night whilst the rest of the house is sleeping. 

I look at you and I think about how Jesus has carried me through the last 8.5 months. He has carried me through some tough times and he gently reminded me in that quiet moment, that by his grace and mercy, you slept to give me rest. You slept so I had enough energy to get through the next day. He has given me strength to get through each day and I praise him for these little mercies.

Sweet Ezra Bear, you’ve nearly finished your milk. You take the bottle out of your mouth, look up at me and give me the biggest smile and start chatting away. I can’t help but smile back at you and my heart is filled up with love. 

I choose to cherish these moments, to take you in, knowing you won’t be this little and dependent forever.

Sweet Bear,  I love you.